MindFucking: A prevalent condition within Twenty-Something year olds

MindFuck: A state where you obsessive compulsively analyse and overanalyse any and every given situation.Screw conducting a Freudian analysis into the situation before hand; when you’re diagnosed with ‘mindfuck’ you examine every single  possibility to the point where your brain is begging you to stop thinking.

Symptoms:

• Headaches
• Insomnia*
• Hangovers
• Out of character behaviour: extreme silence/ bursts of loudness
• Extensive periods of claiming you have a ‘mid life crisis’ in your late teens/early twenties

*Insomnia may also occur because you have an internet connection. 

Remedies:

1. Absinthe. This is prone to have various, negative side effects. Best consumed in a social situation.

2. Bombard your social media ie Facebook/Twitter with bordline depressing yet completely cryptic emotionally driven status updates/ quotes etc. This lets everyone around you subtly know you are in the midst of being mindfucked.

3. Listening to super angsty songs about the world and identify with each and every single one of them.

4. Eat. Pray-you-dont-get-fat. Eat. Comfort food such as ice cream, lollies etc helps reduce the severity of the above symptoms

5. Watch hours and hours of meaningless yet entertaining American tv shows. eg) Real Housewives, Jersey Shore or something completely twisted: American Horror Show. (WTHFHFF!)

6. Get out of the house. Force yourself  to leave your bed however comforting it is. Return to YOUR (not a stranger’s!) bed every night.

7. Call a friend. Or skype message them. Or text them. Whatever

8. If you are friendless, create imaginary friends and pretend you talk to them about your problems. Pets/ inanimate objects are also excellent outlets.

9. If all else fails, see a shrink. Mine recommended I write this post!

 

Additional information:

If you know anyone/ suspect you have any of the above symptoms contact your doctor/therapist/friend/dealer/ lover/pet immediately.

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: mid life crisis

A letter to my emotions from my brain

Dear Emotions,

Hi there. I know its been a while since I’ve had an intimate discussion with you. I mean, lets face it. I (We) do actively avoid each other; and neither of us are unashamed about it. There’s no need for you & I to say, “lets catch up how does this date work?lunch, dinner maybe?”

When I think about it, you are a lot like my shadow; always there watching me ever so silently. For that I guess I’d like to thank you.

Yet, you judge me, mock me even condone me at frankly quite inconvenient times. We need to address that.

You and your very good comrade Heart conspire against me. Force me to  believe in these larger than life, almost definitely absurd illusions when it comes to relationships and potential significant others.

Dear Emotions, I plead you- no wait beg of you to please refrain from revealing yourself.

I’m 22. I much rather not deal with you at this age.

Maybe before I hit thirty we can gladly meet and discuss all the trivialities of life, but until then, lets keep our distance?

Thank you.

Yours truly,

A Desperate Brain also known as Logic.

Tags: Logic overrides emotions

Thoughts on unfriendalising on Facebook

Using logic & deduction,  I am going to list the possible reasons why you would un-friend me on Facebook. Yes writing this post does make me resemble a stereotypical 20-something who does care about who she is friends with but, let me just make something SUPER clear.

When I sent  you a friend request it was simply a ‘hey we’re in the same class, we’ve spoken on numerous occasions, you’ve sort of told me your life story & I’ve told you about mine and we like love the same band(s)’.  In hindsight, it was not a:

A. Let me friend request you to virtually get in your pants (Which would be an additional bonus but not the ultimate destination)

B. A marriage proposal

C. All of the above

Just a simple friend request. Judging from your Facebook activity and I must admit to have ‘noticed’ (not stalked) your online presence, our worlds are completely different. Completely is an understatement. You are the epitome of a suburban kid with the common interests of a 20-something year old: skateboarding, surfing, friends,socialising, music, drinking, partying.  Like yourself, I too share similar affiliations; skateboarding (very badly), drinking, partying, socialising, talking etc. Which is why we became friends in the first place.

However, unlike yourself, I do believe in stepping outside of my comfort zone and making friends (note the word ‘friend’ not acquaintances) with people who are frankly unlike me. I think this is where we are poles apart.

I must confess, you are utterly charming and the few instances we’ve met I felt something. Must be my late-teen hormones kicking in or something, but in my dark, twisted world, I thought we had some sort of spark. Saying that, I know for a fact I did not lament on your lack of response to my very subtle flirtation ways.

So that brings to the possible reasons of why you would un-friend me:

1. You’re cleaning up your facebook & realised we don’t have anything in common except for our mutual friends & likes.

2. Sheer possibility in your head, we dated and as the ex, you NEED to delete me.

3. Segregation

4.  Ethnic cleansing

5. You have a girlfriend/boyfriend

6. I annoyed you in some or other way-unintentionally of course.

7. We are somehow related & somehow, I am your long lost mother/father/sister/brother/twin/family relative

8. Me inviting you to ONE (note one, not a million) event and that annoyed the crap out of you.

9. We don’t see each other. That I would accept and hold no grudges against you- that is why I’m writing this  post that will be engraved on the interweb.

10. You want to forget me. Or whatever you felt for me.

Tags: delete, Facebook, friends

A letter to Hipster boys

 

Dear hipster boys,

Yes You.

You in the messy hair, artistically shaved stubble, oversized, opt-shop  jumper.

So… How YO doin?

Oh whoops. Realised you don’t quite fancy pop-culture references, because they are just sooo “mainstream”

Lets try this again.

 

Dear kind sir,

Yes you in the skin-tight jeans, with thighs smaller than mine.

Yes you with some sort of education single-heartedly propelling the eternal struggle of a twenty something year old.

How luscious is your hair, artistically half covering your expressionless face.

Every time I see you, I have the urge to break out into an Ode, because apparently, pick up lines are just so mass culture.

Because, if I use this line “In bed, I’m just like my fixed-gear bike: Extremely hard to stop”

You’d turn RED.

But, my personal favourite;

 ”If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together at an MGMT show”

Please respond to my subtle yet desperate attempts to seduce you through words.

Lots of love,

A hipsterboy (groupie)

 

 

Tags: Hipster

What to do? (Or not to do?)

What to do if you feel as if all your relationships are spiralling out of control in a bad way?

To the point where in you are beginning to doubt the integrity of the other person and you cannot see or you choose not too see the world from their perspective?

What if the most insignificant things about that relationship now infuriates you?

What if you realise, you ‘ve bent backwards and in the end, you ‘ve snapped because you’ve bent far too back?

Lameface.

Alarm bells in this relationship have started ringing! Do you carry on like its all sunshine and butterflies or do you sit through some immensely uncomfortable conversations?

=(

I honestly wish Google/Apple had some sort of device/app that would answer all your life’s dilemmas!

Sadface

Or more importantly, I honestly do wish stupid issues like this didn’t bother me!

Mr Douchebag

HUGE part of me believes I sort of met Mr. Big. Not Carrie’s Mr Big.

MY Mr Big.

Except he is Mr Douchebag.

The biggest, rudest douchebag that ever exists.

I don’t know WHAT is it about him or why am I attracted to him.   And this makes me wonder, what makes a douchebag?

So here is a list that entails all the qualities of a douchebag^

1) Profound or superior belief in him/herself that he/she is superior to everyone else.  Will look down upon you if you:

•   Pursue a degree other than Commerce(Finance and accounting)/Science (Med)/ Engineering (Mechcivltronics) / I.T
•  Work in an organisation deemed as unethical

2) Favourable traits: amazing genetic makeup, height, skinny jeans etc

3) Dogmatic in their life opinions

4) Certainty that they are attractive human magnets who attract every long-limbed girl within a 5km radius

5) Build walls around themselves for unnecessary reasons

6) Inability to engage in conversations face to face

7) Snobby sales attendants at snobby stores

8) Snobby sales attendants at not-so-snobby stores

9) Pretentious hipsters

10) Impolite, rude prunes

Completely wrong of me to judge someone; unless I’ve walked in their shoes but Mr Douchebag has really struck a chord! As I write this, I realise this may seem like the biggest whine piece ever. But I am sure, we all have our ‘douchebag/douchebag equivalent lists’ somewhere that send off alarm bells!

So, why on earth aren’t my alarm bells ringing???!!

^ The list is bound to increase, decrease

 

Neglect me once. Neglect me twice. Neglect me thrice, is that wise?

Negligence.

Is something that can be tried under our law.  When one party fails to exceed their duty of care towards the other party (or parties) bham! You will most definitely be frowned upon by our legal system.

 

But can the same concept be expanded upon onto the realm known as relationships?

 

Can a person be tried because they have failed to care about the emotional well-being of the other person? By emotional well being, I mean there is a lack of respect and lack of emphaty towards the other person.

Of course I’d hate the thought that my beloved significant other is locked up for:

1. Not caring about me
2. Not demonstrating how much he cares about me
3. All of the above

I cannot help but wonder if negligence is associated with the word granted? As soon as you start taking the other person for granted, do you become negligent of their emotional well being?

I know for a fact that some relationships fail because one party has neglected to care, or taken the other person for granted.  More than the neglect, it is the lack of understanding and caring that one would expect out of a friendship/relationship that causes that particular relationship to break down…

… To be continued. ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex (Yeah right!) & the city (preferably before someone’s curfew!)

Dear reader,

Whom so ever you are, thank you for reading my blog (Not too sure if I forced you to read it through some ruthless self promotion, or if you are majoring in procrastination, but thank you nevertheless)

If I may request, dear reader or viewer? , please “read” this blog with only one voice in your head; Carrie Bradshaw*

No. Not really.

I’d like to think that I sound like a last generation’s fictitious poster girl for feminism but I am far from that.

What I’d really like to talk about/ ask you to think about is just one mere simple question: which ship would you sail on?

A friend- ship: something that is safe, will help you weather stormy seas known as life

OR

A relation-ship? A vessel that may sink as soon as you hit open waters? But worth every single toss & turn?

There are a lot of us who have been (or still are) in this situation. Can two members of the opposite sex be just friends while engaging in a plutonic friendship?

History (according to Google) cannot recount a single male-female friendship; where the basis of the relationship was purely on friends being friends! Nothing more or nothing less.

Take ABBA. 4 friends who composed amazing music you STILL karaoke too. However ABBA became 2 couples, who unfortunately split up.^

This is not to say that we will all:

1. End up going out/falling for the opposite/same sex FRIEND

2. Marry that friend & live happily ever after

3. Divorce the friend

4. All of the above

Where should you draw the line between a friendship and a relationship?

Note:

*Carrie Bradshaw (google her!) has an amazing wardrobe (which I aspire to have) Also, she wears Vera Wang wedding dress at some stage (subtle hint #1)

^ If you can find any example of a withstanding female-male friendship I will edit this section. (and maybe name my firstborn after you. Ha)

First firsts.

Your first blog entry is supposed to be something grand. Something engaging and highly entertaining that will get people interested. But  I do beg to differ.

When you are younger, your first everythings are so special.  Or so you are told.

Your first day at kindergarten, the first time your tooth falls out, your first grown up lunch.

Why is there so much importance placed on your firsts?

Your first kiss.

Your first heartbreak.

Your first time.

Yes they are meant to be special milestones in your life, but what if the memory of your firsts, overshadow you experiences of the second, or third, or fourth?

More importantly, what if you use your “first” encounter to measure the rest of your life experiences?

If there is so much importance and relevance placed on your “first” , what if  in anticipation of your first, the sheer stress of the moment  startles you?

Some what like this blog entry.